An Engrossing Death
by NTJB
Summary: Bella Swan encounters ten of her past loves in a series of unusual events that lead her to her one true love, Edward Cullen, and the infinite fantasy.
1. Prologue Fire

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns everything Twilight related. No copyright infringement is intended and there is no financial gain by myself in this story. The original characters, plot, and setting are the property of the author, NTJB. Please do not reproduce this story without the express permission of the author. **

**Reader discretion is advised: for adult situations, language, sexual content, drug reference.**

Thanks so much to my betas MaryMABSAlice and Magnolia822 for all their help in this. Everyday, I told them this was shit and they had to beat it into me that it wasn't. Even if they were lying, their encouragement is the only reason why this is on right now. So, thanks ladies!

**Caution: NSFW. I repeat, NSFW. There's a reason why "Possibility" is the musical selection to this fan fic. Don't say I didn't warn you. :)**

You should also know this will be a very brief ff with only 10 chapters and no more than 12,000 words. I was inspired by the **A Picture Says It All** contest, with a word limit so I had to keep them to a minimum. But the structure of this ff is such that it was not meant to be any longer or shorter. It was meant to be ten chapters like cats are meant to have nine lives. Thus, there will be no epilogue.

Other inspirational sources are Stephenie Meyer's _New Moon _and Shakespeare's _Romeo and Juliet, _which I quote twice in AED.

One final word, none of this stems from my real life. I have never had drugs like this and none of the other heart-wrenching events Bella undergoes happened to me. So, please don't think I'm some sort of ex-druggie who needs psychological help. I mean, I probably need psychological help but it's not because I was a cokehead who fucked a bunch of dealers LOL.

* * *

O, here

Will I set up my everlasting rest,

And shake the yoke of inauspicious stars

From this world-wearied flesh. Eyes, look your last!

Arms, take your last embrace! and, lips, O you

The doors of breath, seal with a righteous kiss

A dateless bargain to engrossing death!

_- Romeo and Juliet, Act V, Scene III_

William Shakespeare

* * *

**Prologue- Fire**

We are in the midst of another heat wave in New York City. It is July 22nd, 6:35 in the morning, and, already, the city bakes in its heat and humidity. Even at this height in the sky, sweat drips down between my breasts and thighs, dotting my shoulders and forehead. I cannot believe my rotten luck. One of the reasons why I came up here was because I thought this would be my reprieve. But it is all the same. The only difference is the wind and the breathtaking view of midtown Manhattan.

The other reasons, I do not want to think about. For now, I am a bit disappointed. I hated to leave my favorite city burning up like this.

I flick my hair back off my shoulder, contemplating putting it up in a ponytail. I do not have a rubber band. Damn. As I twist my hair around and around in my hands, a black one suddenly appears at my wrist.

Ooh, that is a nice trick. I grin, all smug. Mom would've liked that.

I form a thick bun at the top of my head. My mom would have liked that, too. My mom liked a lot of things. She was one of those moms who loved their children unconditionally. The last thing I remembered her saying before her untimely death was, "Don't fall in love with someone like your father. But, you know, whoever makes you happy, makes me happy." And I believed her. He could beat me and say I was the stupidest bitch in the world everyday of our marriage, and my mom would've loved him like her own son anyway.

That was 10 years ago. I had the fortune of meeting many men since her suicide. None of them were like my father, especially not Edward. My mom would have loved him the most.

A flash of her limp body falling from our window crosses my mind the same time I feel a shudder beneath me. In my mind's eye, her body glowed with crimson light, from head to toe. Even her lifeless eyes were red, both pupil and iris; they used to be the most brilliant brown.

The ledge shakes some more, jolting me back to the present. Is that my subconscious telling me it is time for my next trick?

I squeeze my eyes shut, grateful for my mom's final gift to me: magic. I imagine a better place, a cooler place that does not remind me of my mother's death, of any death. I will have to come back to the scorching heat later.

When I open my eyes, I stand in a breezy bedroom... naked.

* * *

**A/N **Damn, Bella's naked folks. What are we going to do with her now?


	2. Stars in his Eyes

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns everything Twilight related. No copyright infringement is intended and there is no financial gain by myself in this story. The original characters, plot, and setting are the property of the author, NTJB. Please do not reproduce this story without the express permission of the author. **

**Reader discretion is advised: for adult situations, language, sexual content, drug reference.**

**Caution: NSFW. I repeat, NSFW. There's a reason why "Possibility" is the musical selection to this fan fic. Don't say I didn't warn you. :)  
**

**

* * *

**

**Chapter One- Stars in his eyes**

Whoa, my subconscious was a freak now. Nice. What was up next, an orgy with all of my exes?

Immediately, my skin was cool, and my thick brown hair flowed about me in loose ringlets. It looked like it did the night of my first date with Edward. What a first date. He could not keep his hands off of me.

The room was vast with no ceiling. The windows were open for the cool ocean breeze caressing my skin. Satin indigo curtains billowed around all sides of the room. Only a few feet away, the sound of the ocean's waves crashing against the shore became my lullaby. I decided that I would rest here for a while then head right back to the roof.

In the middle of the room was a king-sized canopy bed with a feather-top mattress. There was netting wrapped around it like cottony clouds on a sunny day. When I reached up and touched the clouds, an electric current went through me as if I had been zapped by lightning. My body was on fire, hotter than it was on the roof. I fell back onto the mattress.

Looking up through the mesh netting, I gazed at the expansive night sky.

There were so many stars, it was hard to believe it was night at all. They shone as bright as the sun. Suddenly, ten burst simultaneously in a ring. It was orgasmic watching the explosions and their slow release... literally orgasmic.

My body hummed from the remnants of the explosion. My legs were jelly, and my heartbeat raced in my chest. It was unreal. There I lay, utterly spent, my pussy still pulsing from the intense explosions.

"Fuck," I sucked in the salty air between my teeth. I was insatiable tonight. My nipples hardened against the cool breeze. All the hair on my body stood on end. I dug my heels into the mattress, my hips slowly swiveling in the air. I was at the brink... but no one was fucking me.

I squeezed my eyes shut again, my heart racing. "Fuck me!" I screamed, opening my eyes, the stars in the sky now expanding and pulsing, at the brink of explosion themselves.

I felt strong cool hands lift my hips completely off the bed, but I could not take my eyes off the stars. Millions of them trembled in the sky, nearly blinding in their effulgence, ready to explode.

Then, I heard his velvet voice groan in my ear. "Bella!"

It was Edward.

I glanced down, expecting to gaze into his golden eyes. Instead, another pair of golden eyes met mine: Emmett's.

"Oh God!" I wanted to get out from beneath him, but I was too close to cumming. My first love, big and burly above me, need to thrust only once more, and I would cum.

Two more stars burgeoned in his eyes, about to erupt.

"Emmett!" I moaned, his cock so deep inside of me, I felt it in my stomach. "Don't stop!"

His soft cool palms, covering my face entirely, caressed my feverish cheeks. Then, the stars in his eyes erupted, and I came.

I could not feel my fingers or toes.

My eyes still shut, Emmett's heavy weight knocking the wind out of me, I struggled to catch my breath. He was such a big motherfucker. It was why I fell in love with him ten years ago, because he was so overbearing. He was exactly who I needed to be with at the time, because I needed the protection. My mom had died earlier in the year, and my poor excuse for a father wanted to have a "relationship" with me again. It was all a front. He wanted my magic, just like he always wanted my mom's. Thankfully, Emmett was more than willing to prevent that from happening. Thanks to him, my dad has not spoken to me in ten years.

But the day Emmett became so protective that he prevented me from seeing any of my friends, I kicked him out of my life for good.

When I opened my eyes, I kicked him out of the bed. I came here to cool off, not to be reminded of him. Once Emmett hit the floor, the bed frame rattled around me. My heart skipped a beat, and I scrambled to the middle of the bed, sinking into the feather-top even deeper. If I was not more careful, I would rip the mattress's material and be covered in feathers... again.

The last time that happened was with Edward.

I shut my eyes, tasting his ice-cold tongue as it twisted around mine.

"Edward..." I murmured.

I opened my eyes, feeling Emmett clamber up from the floor. The bed frame rattled harder. I crawled to the edge of the mattress, ready to shove Emmett to the other side of the world. When he lifted his head, I was met with another pair of golden eyes.

But they were not Edward's.

They were Jasper's.

* * *

**A/N **"So, let me get this straight," a reader might ask. "Bella fucked Emmett, Edward, AND Jasper? And she has these weird telekinetic, teleportable, superpowers?"

You wouldn't be wrong. But wait, there's more!

Please leave a review. :)


	3. Blank Canvas

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns everything Twilight related. No copyright infringement is intended and there is no financial gain by myself in this story. The original characters, plot, and setting are the property of the author, NTJB. Please do not reproduce this story without the express permission of the author. **

**Reader discretion is advised: for adult situations, language, sexual content, drug reference. **

**

* * *

**

**Chapter 2- A Blank Canvas**

"Bella," he grinned, opening his arms wide.

"Jasper?" I jumped up into his arms, wrapping my legs around his slim hips.

He chuckled in my ear. "It's nice to see you, too."

He smelled of a rich Merlot and the aromatic cigars from India. He was definitely the most well-traveled and learned of his family. He was also the main reason why my relationship with Emmett had to end.

"Nowadays, he hangs out with the wrong crowd, baby, ever since he came back from New Delhi," Emmett had warned me, but I refused to listen. I just thought I could learn so much from his cousin, the mysterious Mr. Hale. He made the world seem so beautiful.

"Come on!" Jasper tilted his blonde curls toward the windows. He wanted to go where the waves crashed against the shore. Immediately, I wanted the same.

So, I shot us into the middle of the ocean. We would play here. I would make this his blank canvas, his project to express his love for everything dead or alive, and he would make the world glorious.

"I've always wanted to get high in the middle of the ocean," Jasper whispered, standing naked over the black water. He stood a few yards away, his skin sparkling from the white moonlight, like it usually did during the day. But it was his cock that really caught my eye.

It was in the shape of a bong: short, white and made of glass. It was beautiful. I could not wait to suck it. Indigo smoke came out of the end. It was the only color in this place. Everything else was black and white, ready to be filled in.

My arms and legs tingled as I hopped across the rolling currents like a deer. When I reached him, he pulled the bong off and sucked in the blue smoke.

He smiled at me lazily. Stretching, he showed off all of the sinewy muscles down his torso and along his arms and legs. He could not do half the things sexually that Emmett did because he was stoned all the time, but his lean long frame was just as gorgeous.

He blinked. His eyes were lavender one second, then orange, then indigo. As his eyes changed, the black sky filled in with rainbows, puffy white clouds, millions of stars as big and bright as the sun. There were moons with deep neon yellow craters, red polka dots, and pink rings surrounding them.

What a trip Jasper was. I hadn't even taken a hit yet, and the world was blossoming so beautifully. My stomach tightened. I was so anxious to see what else he had in store for me.

We used to go on so many adventures together for hours on end. This one would top them all because it was real. Jasper and I had made it so. What would he have created in the depths of the ocean, for instance? What creatures would we witness for the first time?

Ten blue and green tropical birds with swirls of peach and gold in their wings, flew across the sky as I felt Jasper's hand on my shoulder.

"Take it slow," he mumbled, his grin still lazy, handing me the bong.

When I took a hit, he shoved me roughly down into the depths into the water. What the heck was Jasper thinking? If he was thinking... The ganja tended to make him the most insensitive prick.

It was as black as oil with no other sign of life but mine. Panicking, I swam up to surface, cursing myself for bringing him out here. I should have known better than to do anything with this fool. Why did my subconscious summon him in the first place? I hadn't even seen him in 8 years. It should have been Edward. I had to see him before I returned to New York.

My lungs were burning when I finally broke the surface, dragging hot air into my lungs. Wiping the salty water from my eyes, I opened them to blinding sunlight.

I shielded my eyes, slowly regaining my sight. What I saw saddened me tremendously. The world was ordinary once more, and Jasper had abandoned me. What a surprise.

I swam for the shore, spotting a beach house nestled between palm trees. It was blazing hot on the beach. I looked back longingly at the cool ocean, sparkling from the midday sun, but I had a feeling Edward was in that house. I had to see him again. I had to smell his scent and feel the soft hair on his chest between my fingers.

I approached the door, still nude but now very embarrassed. I sniffed my underarms. I didn't smell good, either. And my hair must've looked like shit. Oh, this was not good.

So, in a flash, I cleaned up and put on a white linen dress. Just like that. I shall never take my mom's magic for granted.

"Edward!" I knocked on the door, which swung open easily. "Edward! Where are you? I know you're here!"

I walked into the room, which looked exactly like the loft we had shared for a year. I heard the door's hinges creak as it shut behind me and swung around to face the dark brown wood.

"I'm right here," his velvety voice murmured in my ear. I smelled his sweeter than vanilla scent. He was so close, I could taste him.

When I spun around, he hugged me tight, burying his face in my neck, inhaling deeply. His cheeks were so cold between my jaw line and shoulder, I gasped. But it felt good. It felt right.

"Close your eyes, love," he murmured in my ear.

I did as he asked. He loved playing this game with me. On a whim, he would buy my flowers or jewelry or plane tickets to exotic islands.

The last time he played this game with me, he put an engagement ring on my finger.

"Ready?" He asked. Even with my eyes closed, I could see him grinning from ear to ear.

"Yes, baby." I opened my eyes.

My palm was empty.

The room was empty.

"Edward?"

The panic I felt when Jasper pushed me down into the ocean began to build in my stomach. Shit! We had to get out of here. There was someone else here who would hurt us both!

"Edward!"

Rounding the corner from my bedroom, I saw blond hair and red eyes, as vibrant as blood. Red eyes that I had followed into a very high, very dangerous path of sex, drugs, and death.

Those red eyes belonged to one man I never wanted to see again.

Riley's.

* * *

**A/N **Bella, Bella, Bella. Always getting yourself in sticky situations.

So, if you haven't guessed yet from this hella trippy chapter (Jasper having a bong for a penis for goodness sakes), this ff is taking place in Bella's mind. She's high, y'all. Real high. And you'll see how in the next chapter. Read on!

And please review! :)


	4. Bloody Coke

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns everything Twilight related. No copyright infringement is intended and there is no financial gain by myself in this story. The original characters, plot, and setting are the property of the author, NTJB. Please do not reproduce this story without the express permission of the author. **

**Reader discretion is advised: for adult situations, language, sexual content, drug reference.**

**

* * *

**

**Chapter 3- Bloody Coke**

I gasped, squeezing my eyes shut to force him away. It would work again. It had to work again. I was not going to flee to that scorching hot weather outside like a little pussy. I was going to make him leave, now.

In the back of my mind, I wondered why I kept hearing Edward but never saw him. He was the only thing in the world that made me feel at home. I could not be hallucinating. What could it be? I was not crazy or high. I didn't know why, but I knew this was all real. And Edward was here. He just wouldn't let me see him.

"Bella," Riley whined, sucking his teeth, breaking into my thoughts. "We're here to have a little fun."

Oh, fuck. We?

I opened my eyes, seeing that he stood in the same spot in the middle of my living room, wavering a little. Riley was high off his ass, his red eyes murky with the effects of cocaine and Ecstasy. He loved to mix them. He used to squash dozens of X pills with a pumice stone, throw the powder in a bowl full of coke, and sprinkle the floury blend on my pussy.

Eating me while getting high was one of his all-time favorite hobbies. OK, it was mine too... for a while. It was a nice contrast to Jasper's slow, easygoing sex (of what I could remember of my time with Jasper). That was until he brought her into the picture.

"What do you mean, we?" I asked, beginning to get really fucking pissed off. He did not have the right to be in my loft unannounced with a guest. Fuck that shit. I would turn his skin inside-out if I saw her here: that fiendish redhead, Victoria.

"Vicki's a good girl, baby. She makes me happy. She'll make you happy, too." A thin trail of blood dripped down Riley's lips and onto the wooden floor. It formed a crimson puddle, rounding up into ten perfect rings.

Suddenly, I felt someone roughly grab my arms, holding them down my sides. I could not break free. Somehow, I did not want to. Whoever held me was fucking hot. I wanted to get in those pants so badly. My shift in mood made no sense until I realized I was high. X flowed through me like an electric current. I was apathetic, felt disconnected from my body... and I loved it. I just wanted one thing: to cum.

I was thrown down on the white rug near the fireplace, clutching my chest, my heart and pussy pounding. I pulled my dress over my head, panting, sweating, higher than a kite. How I got high, I did not know, but I wanted rough, hardcore sex right now.

"She's ready," I heard a soft, childish voice above my head.

Vicki stood there grinning mischievously. That bitch! That fucking hot naked bitch.

She stroked an alabaster strap-on that hung from her pelvis, hard as stone but as smooth as glass. Squirting some sparkly lube in her hands, she looked over her shoulder. Riley walked up behind her, pulling her wild red hair off her shoulder, and sucked her neck. Just watching him do that made me climax. Fuck, I wanted both of them inside of me, just like old times.

Riley pulled away from Vicki, revealing this jug of cocaine from behind his back. His eyes glimmered like rubies. He wanted the jug's contents in its entirety, but it was too much. He had to share it with us.

"Riley, share," Vicki smiled at him, rubbing the dildo faster. It glistened in her hand, reddening, growing. "Don't take it all. It's not fair."

She moaned, dropping to the rug, star-filled precum dripping from the dildo's head. I crawled towards her, transfixed by all the stars. Bending forward, I licked the tip of the dildo. It was frosty like a popsicle. And the precum tasted so good. It tasted like the juice from sugarcane, like Edward. I licked my lips, hungry for more. When I dipped my head down to suck it, Vicki held my head up. Shit, I wanted to suck her dry.

"Not yet, Bella," she smiled sweetly at me.

Vicki stretched me out on the carpet, pushing my legs apart every time I closed them. Her very touch made all the muscles in my body contract and my pussy wetter than a goddamn lemon.

"She's about ready to pop, Riley," she squealed, kneeling at my head. Her perky breasts bounced inches above me. I grabbed them, pinching her nipples. She threw her head back and laughed and laughed.

"Do it Riley!" She screamed in ecstasy. And when I peered down my legs, he knelt between them with the jug of powder.

He poured the white powder over me from head to toe. There was so much of it that it became a thick coat on my skin. I shut my eyes, letting the sensation of his hot tongue on my skin take me over.

"Riley!" I bucked, my body on fire. I could not take it anymore. I needed his cock inside of me. I needed to feel stars through my veins then exploding from my pussy. He had to lift me higher. "Fuck me!"

"She's losing it," Vicki groaned above me. I opened my eyes to see her jerk at the dildo so hard, the leather base popped back and forth off her pussy. Her fire-red pubes made my mouth water. What would her own juices taste like if her precum tasted like cane juice?

I squeezed her hips tight, pulling her down into my mouth. I sucked on her wet lips, and her cum gushed in my mouth, as sweet as raspberry jam. She called out my name in a singsong voice, turning me on even more, if that was possible.

When I dropped my head down to the rug, she grunted like a man and jerked off more stars on my chest. My nipples hardened, and my abs tightened. I would explode any moment.

"Riley, let's finish her!" Vicki groaned, her red eyes blazing. I needed to be filled. I needed both of them to fuck me.

As if they read my mind, he flipped me mercilessly on all fours, lying down beneath me. Vicki knelt behind me, swatting my ass with her frigid dildo.

"Fuck me. Please!" I was out of my mind with lust, mewling pathetically.

"Bella, Bella, Bella. No need to beg," Vicki shushed me, stroking my ass. "I am here to please you in every humanly way, possible."

Then, simultaneously, they fucked me so hard, I passed out.

* * *

When I come to, I am lying on my side in the dark. I am naked but sore all over. I feel hollow inside, and so numb, I cannot feel my toes.

I lift my head, a gooey grainy substance dripping from my cheek. I try wiping it off but my hands are just as gooey and grainy. So, I spread more of it all over my face. It smells sweet, though. Maybe it is syrup? I hope it is raspberry syrup. My mom and I loved that when I was growing up, especially on her fluffy pancakes.

My mouth begins to water, and my stomach grumbles. I am starving. Wherever I am, I need to wash this sticky stuff off and get some breakfast.

Wait, was it morning? I don't have a watch or my cell phone on me. Damn.

I sit up, stretching, hearing and feeling bones pop. What the fuck happened to me? And why can't I remember anything? I know my name. I know mom and I loved raspberry syrup. I know the president of the United States. Hmm...

I scratch my head, which is also sticky with this mysterious syrup. I have to taste it. Maybe it will clue me in as to where I am. So, hesitantly, I lick my finger.

It tastes like iron. I grimace, spitting it out. What in the world? Oh shit. Shit! Shit! Only one sticky thing tasted like iron: blood.

I scramble up to my feet, slipping over the floor, afraid to death that I look like Carrie. Shit! How did this happen? And it doesn't even smell like blood. It still smells really sweet.

I slide around the darkness, my heart beating rapidly against my chest, blood pounding in my ears. I don't know where I am going, but I have to get out.

I could not believe all that I had just experienced was from a coke high. It was all so real. How did this happen? And something is telling me that I have to go somewhere. Where is it? How do I go there? And how did I get here? One minute I'm envisioning a cool place on a random rooftop building, the next I'm here covered in blood? Oh God, what if there is someone else here trying to kill me? What if this is my blood?

I run right into a tall wall, smacking my face against it. I bounce off, falling to the floor hard, probably bruising my bum. I begin sobbing. Why can't I get out of here? Then, it dawns on me. Through all of my fear, I finally see my way out.

My magic.

I think "light," and some flickers above me. Slowly, the dim light brightens. And the more I see of this horrid place, the more I know it's time to get the fuck out of here.

I am surrounded by rolling crimson hills that go miles and miles down the length of the room. They would have looked really beautiful if I did not know it was made of blood. Each hill shimmers around me as if made of crushed diamonds. I shudder, no they are not diamonds. The hills are made of something else entirely, and that was probably why I was here today.

It's cocaine. Shit! And I just had some trying to figure out what it was.

One bit of this potent stuff mixed with that blood and my magic... oh God...

I have to get out here. I think "door," searching for an exit anywhere in this room. I see one a few feet away, but the effects of the drug are taking control of my system already.

"Open!" I scream, running to the entrance. A brilliant shaft of light beams into the room, blinding me, but not slowing me down at all. I slide sideways to the exit, right out into the open space ahead of me.

There is an expensive Italian leather couch against a mahogany wall, with gold-framed mirrors down the corridor. Fuck! Not this place. It could not be!

Seeing myself in one of the mirrors, my skin is stained by the bloody coke from my rope-like nasty hair down to my gummed up toes. But what shocks me even more are my eyes.

They are no longer brown. They are red.

It has to be the cocaine. This is not the first time I imagined my eyes this color. It means nothing. They will be brown again, as soon as I get out of here and come down from my high.

The room glows around me, and I shake my head, trying to compose myself for just a little longer. I just have to think of a place and be gone.

Right before I close my eyes, I see him. Golden, intense eyes, bronze hair and his signature crooked smile. He is here to save me.

He bends down over me, whispers "Bella," in a foreign accent, and lifts me up into his arms. "Bella, come. We will clean you up and give you all the rest you need."

He has a foreign scent, too. He does not smell like Edward. He smells like expensive Valentino cologne. The only man I know who wears that is Demetri.

I sniff again, the cologne still there. And as my mind begins to shut down from the drug, I squint up from what I think is Edward's chest and see Demetri's red eyes.

* * *

**A/N **So, this chapter might be confusing because of there's a subtle shift that I don't use in my previous chapters. The first part, Bella is in her dream state. The second part, she is awake and back in real life in Demetri's penthouse suite. You'll find out more information about Demetri the next chapter but for now, keep in mind the structure of this chapter. It comes up again near the end. :)


	5. Ascension

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns everything Twilight related. No copyright infringement is intended and there is no financial gain by myself in this story. The original characters, plot, and setting are the property of the author, NTJB. Please do not reproduce this story without the express permission of the author. **

**Reader discretion is advised: for adult situations, language, sexual content, drug reference.**

**Chapter 4- Ascension**

I felt something drip on my forehead, heavier than water. It was warm, too. I wiped it off with my shirtsleeve, looking up at the ceiling.

There were ten fluorescent light bulbs up there but no mysterious liquid. They shimmered with stars bouncing inside them. Huh, the liquid must've been my imagination. I felt like I was moving, though. I was ascending, in fact. I was in an elevator.

"Bella, are you excited?" Someone asked from behind me, a male. "You're on your way up to the top, the top of the building, where you'll see the world like you have never seen it before."

The voice was all too familiar, the accent grating my nerves. It was Demetri's.

"We hope you like it up there, Bella," he continued. "We want you to be happy. That's all we've ever wanted for you."

When I turned around, I saw Demetri cross his arms, wriggling his eyebrows. Aro, his boss, stood next to him facing the glossy wooden paneling behind them. He chipped at the surface with a golden butter knife, the paper-thin skin on the back of his hand so translucent that I could see his capillaries, even his blood pulse.

I gasped, backing away to the other side of this confined space. Why were they here? Oh, fuck. Where were the elevator buttons? I could not see any. Meanwhile, Aro could kill me with a thought. Demetri would kill me on his command. I had to get out of here. They tried last time; they could do it again. It was probably why we were here.

Like Riley and Victoria before him, Demetri, a drug dealer, brought me even deeper into drugs. For months, I went from one coke binge to another, with barely a couple of hours break in-between. Thank goodness for Demetri's pasta because those in-between hours were the worst of the doldrums. It was when I had to face my reality.

Reality was like prison. The shame I felt over what I did with Riley and Vicki weighed so heavily on my conscience that the coke was the only way I could cope. And I was so cruel to Emmett. It did not take a rocket scientist to figure out how destructive Demetri was in my life. Yet still, I refused any of his advice, or his means of escape, or his love.

It was a wonder how Emmett ever spoke to me again, after what I made Demetri do to him.

"Don't be frightened, Bella," Demetri whispered into my ear. I jumped, cowering into the wood paneling behind me. "We are here to take you higher, out of this darkness. You will see."

I felt a drip on my forehead, my skin crawling. Whatever the stuff was, it began to stick on my skin. My blouse was black so I could not tell the color, and it had no scent. In fact, nothing in this place held a scent.

The lights above my head flickered. Then, I heard warm familiar laughter. It was Edward's.

I stood up, the sound coming from over my head. And the higher the elevator rose, the louder the laughter.

"Edward? Edward! Where are you?"

Demetri and Aro proceeded to strip down the walls, maniacally running around from one side of the elevator to the next. Thick strips of wood hit the floor, crashing onto the puddles of blood that began to form. There were so many layers of the wall. Each strip that fell was thinner and lighter than the last.

Tiny red bubbles on all of the walls ballooned then popped. They looked like blood... then like paint... but then had the consistency of kool aid. I turned to the wall behind me, seeing the strange bubbles become wetter and bigger. The wooden strips fell to the floor and splattered onto my indigo jeans.

"Stop what you're doing! Stop it!" I screamed.

I felt my heart beating in my chest, frightened to death of what was behind those walls. My heartbeat was all I could hear, drowning out Edward's laughter.

As Aro yanked down the final layer, Demetri climbed the wall to the stars in the lights like a bug. This did not surprise me at all. It was a trick he had done for years and years. He hung directly above me, twisting his head around, grinning madly when Aro called him to attention.

"Demetri, now is not the time to play games. We have one more thing to do before we leave."

When I looked down to see what was left of the wall, I fell to my knees, terrified. Never before had I seen a sight like this.

The walls were about to burst, beating as rapidly as my heart. Red paint flowed down like a waterfall. I had to get out before the elevator filled up. Because if I did not get out of the elevator, I would drown in it.

Demetri jumped down, his neck still twisted around unnaturally. He licked his lips, his forehead shiny with sweat. He was so excited about what was coming. Wherever Aro had invited him seemed like Disneyland.

"Coming Bella?" Demetri asked, clapping his hands.

"No, she stays here," Aro interrupted. "Let's go, Demetri."

"Please don't! Please! I need Edward!" I begged them. I contemplated fighting them but remembered Emmett's pulpy face and bruised body, the imprint of Demetri's ring on his cheeks. What would my former coke enabler do to me if I crossed him?

A shaft of light enveloped us in warmth from up ahead. Edward's laughter had returned, louder than it had ever been. I had to get up there, but I did not know how. Somewhere deep inside, I swore I knew the means, but it was just out of my reach.

I watched Demetri jump up into the white light, to Edward, and out of my sight.

"I'll see you later, Bella," Aro grinned. Later? Faster than a hummingbird's wings, he sped around the four pulsing, bloody walls, slicing them open.

The paint, the kool aid, and the blood gushed forward from all sides with such force that I did not see or hear Aro leave. The steaming liquid hit my body in one swift motion, knocking the wind out of me and flipping me up off of my feet. Before I could catch my breath, I was completely submerged, the elevator filling up to the ceiling with the hot bloody mix.

* * *

**A/N**: Confused yet? I hope not too much so. But I promise everything will be answered by the last chapter.

If it wasn't clear, this chapter was supposed to be a sweeping metaphor of Bella's life when she was with Demetri. She lived in excess, trying to get high as often as possible as an escape from her problems. So when she drowns in her blood, that leads to what happens in the next chapter of her life and the next chapter of the ff.

Please leave a review. :)


	6. Crushed Diamonds

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns everything Twilight related. No copyright infringement is intended and there is no financial gain by myself in this story. The original characters, plot, and setting are the property of the author, NTJB. Please do not reproduce this story without the express permission of the author. **

**Reader discretion is advised: for adult situations, language, sexual content, drug reference.**

**

* * *

**

**Chapter 5- Crushed Diamonds**

"You've been through so much. Wait for me, my love. Just wait. You won't suffer forever."

I heard Edward's voice, hollow and far away, say words I had heard once before. I did not know why I remembered them now, not in this place with this despicable man standing above me.

Maybe it was because my present company had made me suffer more than anyone else in my life. He looked like he was about to do some more damage, in fact. The glint of bloodlust in his red eyes twisted my stomach into knots.

Aro had me tied down in a sterile all-white room with a white leather flogger in his hand. He stroked my thigh with its ten tails, probably itching to shred my skin off.

I tugged at the white leather cuffs on my wrist. I could handle this. He had flogged me millions of times before, and I had come out alive each time. This would be no different. I didn't even need my magic.

"Just do it. Take your sick fantasies out on me and be done with it!"

"Bella, this whole thing is fantasy! Don't you see? It's what your blood has made possible for us: infinite fantasy, beyond our wildest dreams."

"My blood?"

Aro flipped his long hair off of his shoulder, gliding from the foot of the four-poster bed to the head. He smiled down at me, his skin sparkling from the sunlight shining through the windows.

"Yes, it is the most precious thing in the world," he knelt down, pulling out something from beneath the bed. It was a small porcelain bowl of crushed diamonds. They sparkled like his skin.

"These alone are nothing. But with you..." he sighed, licking his lips. "And your blood..."

He grinned, a golden knife appearing in his hands. He nicked my thigh. Blood swelled, then dropped on the snow-white sheets beneath me. He placed the bowl beneath my cut, catching the rest of my blood before it healed. It only took a few seconds for my body to mend from any wound. In fact, the only way I could die was if I jumped from a high location, like a cliff or a rooftop.

I watched as the bowl glowed and the contents mixed in, forming what looked like rubies. But when he tilted the bowl over, red powder flowed down my tummy.

"You are so precious. Your blood has helped to make me billions of dollars. Pity you did not realize your limits." He grimaced, backing away.

Then, I blinked, and Aro disappeared. When I looked down, the powder was gone... as were the cuffs. Why did he tell me this? Aro was usually so secretive, so deceptive. I did not understand his openness now.

He was right about one thing: I did not know my limits. I had overdosed so many times when I was with Aro that my life had become like the bane to my serenity. In retrospect, I know I pursued death, but I needed Aro to force my hand. I could not jump off the roof of a building like my mother because I was too chicken. So, for a year, I was on a suicide mission. I was in and out of the hospital because of my binges. Then, one night I tried a mysterious powder that I found in Aro's mixing bowl in his office. It looked like it sparkled like crushed diamonds.

I snorted it immediately and was knocked unconscious for about a week in the most dreadful high. I was trapped in blood and gore, screaming for escape. It was a wake up call for me. I could not continue living like this. When I awakened from the coma, I vowed never to do the drugs again and to leave Aro's bedside immediately.

I breathed a sigh of relief at the memory. The day that I woke up was like dawn: a new day, a new life, a new me.

I got off the bed, walking on the creaky floorboards. I felt like I could fly; I was so weightless. I glanced at the window, wondering if I could chance it. Could I jump? There was infinite fantasy outside that window.

I stepped toward it, but stopped. The door was calling me. Someone I knew was behind it. I should see who it was before I flew into the sunlight. The sun would always be there for me. This person, however, would not.

I smiled, shutting my eyes and hugging my body. It was so chilly in here. He would make me warm with one look.

I took a step for the door, turned the crystal knob, and gazed into his warm golden eyes.

"Bella!"

I blushed from head to toe. "Hi Dr. Cullen."

* * *

**A/N:** Hold UP! What damn army? LOL. I always loved that line in Eclipse. Bella might as well have slept with a damn army at this point. Emmett, Jasper, Riley, Victoria, Demetri, Aro, of course Edward, and now Dr. Cullen?

What a trip! If only we were all so lucky.

So, just to be clear, Bella's still trippin. She won't be out of her high for a while yet. And she's got a taste of the Bloody Coke for the first time so this will be unlike her last high. It'll be much more emotional... unfortunately.

Questions? Comments? Pure Disgust? Please leave it in the review. :)


	7. Salvation

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns everything Twilight related. No copyright infringement is intended and there is no financial gain by myself in this story. The original characters, plot, and setting are the property of the author, NTJB. Please do not reproduce this story without the express permission of the author. **

**Reader discretion is advised: for adult situations, language, sexual content, drug reference.**

**

* * *

**

**Chapter 6- Salvation**

He was just as sweet as I remembered, covering my bare shivering shoulders in a warm terry-cloth robe. It was indigo blue with ten ducks on it. Not my favorite bird at all but nude beggars can't be choosers.

"Bella, you look well today. Are you ready for your session?"

"Yes," I blushed. His hand on the small of my back sent shivers up my spine. He led me to a cushioned seat and pushed it in for me like a gentleman. Dr. Cullen was always so gracious. Emmett used to do the same for me no matter where we were. Edward did, too. Edward did everything right, in fact. Dr. Cullen had taught his sons well.

As he sat down across from me, I looked down at the table in awe. There was a gigantic puzzle with moving pictures on each piece. It was in disarray, with some pieces on the floor. Some of them were as black as night, with turbulent wind gusts swirling. Others were bright yellow and fluffy. I stroked one of those, catching Dr. Cullen's eye. He grinned, resting his chin on his folded hands.

"I have never seen a puzzle like this before. Where did you get it?" I asked him.

"You."

"What? How?" I sat back, totally confused. I had never seen the puzzle before in my life.

"This is the answer to all of your problems: the drugs, the men, the sex. By solving this puzzle, you will find your way out."

He had said something very similar a long time ago. But back then, the puzzle was more complex and took a year of therapy. I did not like what I had found, back then. There had to be another solution.

It looked like it would take hours— maybe even a day— to put it back together. But Dr. Cullen kept smiling, as if he knew what it was already.

"Why won't you just tell me what it is so that I can solve it?"

"You know what it is, Bella. You've known all this time."

My heart sank. "No. It can't be."

"Yes, look. See? It's already forming."

The pieces began moving on their own, congealing as if they were all made of liquid metal.

"Stop it! Stop moving!"

The puzzle followed my command like I thought it would, but I had a feeling it was only temporary. Whenever it would start up again, I just had to be as far away from it as possible.

I stood up, backing away toward the door. "You can't expect me to believe there's only one way out of this. There are always choices. Life is about choices."

"That's right, Bella," Dr. Cullen said from behind me. I jumped, turning around to face him. He pushed my hair off my shoulder, whispering, "And you chose wrong that day, didn't you?"

"I couldn't carry him," I said, slapping his hands away. "What the fuck was I supposed to do, transport him? I didn't have enough power back then."

Dr. Cullen stood with his arms akimbo, tapping his loafers on the lush beige carpet. "That's Edward talking. I know you two have spoken about this a lot. He's told me about it. But that's not how you feel. You feel just as responsible for your young friend's death as you do your mother's."

"Don't you dare bring my mother into this. She has nothing to do with it!"

"Oh, but doesn't she?" Dr. Cullen sighed walking up to me. He held my face in his hands so that we were inches apart. I refused to look into his eyes, staring out the window instead. The infinite fantasy was right outside those sunny windows.

"Bella, look at me."

"No! And we are not going to discuss my mother. And she is not the answer to my problems." I crossed my arms, livid that he would bring this up again.

"Bella, look at me," Dr. Cullen whispered softer this time.

"Dr. Cullen, I just need Edward-"

"Look at me."

I grimaced, shutting my eyes, about to wish him away. But I could not use magic to get out of this. It was my mother's rule. He was trying to help me, not hurt me.

When I opened my eyes, Dr. Cullen was at his seat again. The room was dark and chilly. The puzzle was still on the table.

"Bella, Edward cannot help you here. Only you know the way. Come on now, sit. The puzzle is nearly solved."

I grumbled, holding the robe closer around my body. I could never say no to Dr. Cullen. He was the first man in my life I had trusted. I used to love him with all my heart, no matter how much I tried to fight it. But it took falling in love with Edward for me to see that what I felt for Dr. Cullen was gratitude, not love.

I plopped down in front of him propping my elbows up on the table and cupping my face with my hands.

"Fine, let's see who it is so I can go back home to Edward."

Dr. Cullen's forehead furrowed with worry.

"What? What is it?"

But before he could answer, the last piece of the puzzle came together. I groaned.

"What the fuck, Dr. Cullen? Fuck you! This is such bullshit!"

"Look into your old friend's eyes and you will see the path to your salvation."

"My salvation? I don't need to be saved! I need Edward, OK? Not him!"

Dr. Cullen shook his head, then stood up. Walking toward me, a vivid memory flashed across my mind. Even though it happened twenty years ago, it felt like it was yesterday.

"Oh God."

"That's right, Bella. All these years, you wanted to know why you are the way you are and now you know. Now, you see: it's because of Jacob."

* * *

**A/N **Well damn, Jacob Black has entered the building. But wasn't Dr. Cullen nice? Awwww**.**

Please leave a review. :)


	8. Bella Fella

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns everything Twilight related. No copyright infringement is intended and there is no financial gain by myself in this story. The original characters, plot, and setting are the property of the author, NTJB. Please do not reproduce this story without the express permission of the author. **

**Reader discretion is advised: for adult situations, language, sexual content, drug reference.**

**

* * *

**

Chapter 7- "Bella Fell-a"

Dozens of ducks swam around the lake, their yellow beaks as bright as the sun in the sky. I had wanted to be those ducks that morning. I had wanted to swim like them and be just as graceful. I was so clumsy as a child. "Bella Fell-a," Jacob used to call me during playtime, laughing giddily and pointing at me.

He did this in my memory, rolling around in the mud, squashing the mud pies we had just created. I remembered how I had had enough of him and wanted to clean up in the lake before my dad came by to pick up my mom and me. Dad would hate to take me home covered in mud. I would hate to displease him.

So, I stuck my tongue out at Jacob, getting up. Then, after telling my mom, I walked to the lake's edge. "Bella Fell-a" was clumsy, but not dirty like Jacob Black. He was always so dirty. It was a wonder how we were friends at all.

As I washed the mud off of my shoes, I felt someone tap my shoulder.

"I'm sorry, Bella," Jacob said behind me. I looked over my shoulder and saw a huge white lily in his hand. It was the most beautiful lily I had ever seen.

"Thank you, Jacob. It's pretty." I stood up, taking it from his hands. He smiled smugly, and I started laughing because he had a glop of mud on his cheek.

"Ewwww. Jacob, you're dirty." I pointed and laughed at him, giving him a taste of his own medicine. I splashed some water on him, then ran away from the shore so he would not have time to retaliate. I did not look back.

When I reached my mom, I showed off the flower, and she smiled at it approvingly.

"Where did you get this, Bella?"

"Jacob gave it to me, momma," I said, glancing over my shoulder, expecting him to be at my side.

He was not there. There were a bunch of people at the shore where I left him, though.

I ran to them, ignoring my mother's commands from behind me. I shrieked his name, hoping he would hear and come to me.

I never reached the shore. Someone roughly picked me up off the ground. It was my dad.

"Daddy, no! Jacob!"

"Let the adults help him, sweetheart. They can make him better, OK?"

"No daddy!" I twisted in his arms, trying to get down off his shoulder. But he held me tighter. "No daddy! Jacob! No!"

When we got home, my mom bathed me immediately. I hadn't a speck on me, so I knew she did it so that my dad could be alone. I was a good girl, though; I did not ask questions. That was until I overheard my dad on the phone say that Jacob had drowned.

"Momma, no! Momma, not Jacob," I wept in her arms, drenching her in my tears and the soap water.

"Bella, it's OK, honey. He's not gone forever. You will see him again when you pass on."

"What does 'pass on' mean, Momma?"

"It's what happens when you see all your friends and family that you haven't seen in a long long time. Don't cry, Bella,"

My mom wiped away my tears without her hands, and I looked up at her in wonder. It was the first time I saw her use her magic.

"Jacob is not gone forever. It's for just a little while," she said, smiling, as if what she had done was commonplace. She lifted me out of the tub. "Now come on. Let's get you dressed for dinner."

For weeks, I thought he would appear. My mother was magical so anything was possible. But he never came back. She never even tried to bring him back.

I never forgave my dad for separating us. It was his first strike, the second being the verbal lashings he gave my mom. The third strike was his attempt at controlling her magic.

Deep down, though, I knew my dad was not the real culprit. I was the one who sent Jake into that lake and to his death, no matter how many times Dr. Cullen and Edward tried to convince me otherwise.

* * *

**A/N** Poor little Jacob. Poor Bella. There's so much death in her life, too much, even. When will it end? I hope soon.

Oh, how the angst kills.

Please leave a review. :)


	9. Impossibilities

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns everything Twilight related. No copyright infringement is intended and there is no financial gain by myself in this story. The original characters, plot, and setting are the property of the author, NTJB. Please do not reproduce this story without the express permission of the author. **

**Reader discretion is advised: for adult situations, language, sexual content, drug reference.**

**

* * *

**

**Chapter 8- Impossibilities**

Back in Dr. Cullen's room, the image of Jacob's body floating head-down in the water crossed my mind. It wasn't fair. Why couldn't I save him? Why couldn't my mom save him?

"Bella, you are so close. Don't lose your way in your grief! You are halfway there." It was Dr. Cullen. When I opened my eyes, he sat next to me in the same room I had been in before. I smelled hot chocolate and cigar smoke, now. But Dr. Cullen didn't smoke. Was someone else here?

"Dr. Cullen, you said that remembering that would solve my problems. Why am I still here? Where's Edward? I need Edward."

His forehead furrowed again, and I got goose-bumps. Why did he get so worried every time I mentioned his son?

"Bella, there's one more person you have to see before Edward."

"Fuck that! I'll summon him myself!" I got up off the chaise, walking to the window. We were on the second floor, the street below barren and eerily silent. It was as if no one else existed in the world but Dr. Cullen and me. "Edward!"

"Bella, you can't do that here! You know what happens when you summon the-!"

"Who are you, my father? I'll do whatever I want, goddammit! Edward!"

Dr. Cullen's face twisted, shifting into a man's face I would rather die than see again. He snarled at me.

"Bella, stop running!"

It was my dad.

"Edward, where are you? I need you!" I was screaming now, my heart beating so fast, I did not know how I was still alive.

"Bella, he's not coming,"

"Edward? Come, please!" I squeezed my eyes shut, seeing him as clear as day. I began to sob, every fiber of my soul burning for him.

"Bella, stop it now! You cannot use your magic to bring him here, not in this place."

"Just get out of my life!" I stomped toward him, standing under his nose, smelling the cigar smoke in his breath. I gagged, pushing him away.

"Bella, all I've wanted from you is to be happy."

"That's a load of bull, and you know it. All you've wanted was to control mom. You wanted her power, and now you want mine. Well, newsflash Charlie! You can't have it!"

"Now Bella, that is not true."

"I want you out of here."

"No, you've got it all wrong."

"Oh really? Prove it." I opened the door to the other room, waving him in. "Leave."

"Uh, Bella."

"What? Do you have another excuse for me?"

"No, Bella. Look!"

I peeked over my shoulder expecting some trick. Instead, I saw my salvation.

"Impossible." Charlie gasped next to me.

I shoved Charlie back into Dr. Cullen's room, running into the white cool bedroom.

"Bella, you don't know what you're doing!" Charlie yelled after me.

I slammed the door in his face and locked it behind me.

"Bella, love-" His velvety voice was like cool whipped cream. His vanilla scent enraptured me. He opened his arms, his golden eyes as bright as the sun.

"Edward!"

* * *

**A/N **FINALLY FINALLY FINALLY BELLA GETS HER EDWARD. FINALLY!

Fuck.

Please leave a review. :)


	10. Feathers

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns everything Twilight related. No copyright infringement is intended and there is no financial gain by myself in this story. The original characters, plot, and setting are the property of the author, NTJB. Please do not reproduce this story without the express permission of the author. **

**Reader discretion is advised: for adult situations, language, sexual content, drug reference.**

**As this the penultimate chapter, I'd like to thank all of my reviewers for their comments and ask if you have any questions at this time about what has happened in the previous chapters. I hope everything will come to fruition by Chapter Ten so your answers will hopefully come then. But if there's something really picking at you, let me know. I'm here to respond. :)  
**

**

* * *

**

**Chapter 9 Feathers**

I ran into his arms, kissing him all over his stone cold face. I was feverish, my soft body hitting his hard one in the most glorious way. Emmett, Jasper, and Dr. Cullen were hard, but not like this, not so perfect for me.

He lifted me up off the floor, sighing into my hair as he grabbed my ass. Then, after a few seconds of basking in each other, we kissed.

His tongue was like smooth ice in my mouth, twisting around my own. I felt like I was made of fire, heating up the more passionate our kiss became. I had to fight for air and the ability to think when he pulled away. I had forgotten how good he had tasted: the purest sugar with a hint of vanilla.

"Bella, I will never leave you again, I promise. Will you promise me the same?" He asked me breathlessly, taking me to the bed. The room had changed since the last time I had been here with Aro. For one, the bed looked exactly like the canopy bed where Edward and I had made love the first time.

"I won't even think it, baby. I won't dream of it. I belong with you, always."

He smiled, lowering me onto the feather-top mattress.

I began unbuttoning his gray shirt as quickly as I could. I had no time to waste. I did not know why I felt this way, but I had to hurry. I was so afraid he would leave again.

"I missed this, Edward," I whispered, stroking his cool chest and abs. He stroked my lips with his thumb, grinning at me. After pulling my shoes off, he leaned over me and kissed me again, the mattress sinking lower with our combined weight. Oh, we were going to rip into the mattress cover... again.

"Remember the first time we were here?" he asked, as if reading my mind. "You were covered in feathers from head to toe. I have never seen you so beautiful."

He unbuttoned my black blouse. Running his hands up and down my breasts, he kissed me harder, moaning into my mouth. Every muscle in my body ached from needing him so badly. I had to be closer. I needed him inside of me.

"Edward!" I hooked my thumbs into the loops in his indigo jeans, shut my eyes, and wished them away. My now freed thumbs stroked his hips, pushing down his boxer briefs.

"Bella, no need to rush," he murmured. His eyes gleamed as he stroked my cheek. "I'm not going anywhere."

I shook my head, sure that he was wrong. I had been dealt the bad hand my entire life; I felt like I was about to be dealt one more. But whatever was coming, I could handle it as long as Edward was with me.

"Bella don't worry, please. Everything is fine." He kissed me again, his icy hands working their way down my tummy making me shiver. I forgot my worries when he unbuttoned my jeans.

"Ohh," I gasped, as his cold fingers slid into my panties. I lifted my hips, helping him push both my jeans and panties off. He threw them over his shoulder, looking down at me mischievously.

"I want to taste you," Edward said, looking deep into my eyes. I wrapped my legs around him, thrusting my hips up to meet his. We didn't have time for that. He needed to fuck me now before it was too late.

"No, Edward," I stroked his full lips with my thumb and he sighed, his sweet breath blanketing my face. "Fuck me, now."

I slid my hands inside of his boxer briefs, wishing them away. As soon as I felt the cool ocean breeze over my knuckles, I stroked his bare ass. His skin was smooth and cool beneath my hot fingertips.

"Bella, stop. It has been so long since we've been together. I want to treasure you."

"No, I need you now." I stroked his face, then pulled him down for a kiss. He tried pulling away, but I wrapped my arms around his neck and held him closer. He could not let go. He could not stop. We had to keep going.

"Bella, no..." he pulled my arms down from around his neck. "We are going to do this right. I want to make love to you."

I trembled beneath him, continuing to burn up despite the coolness of his body. He had to understand where I was coming from. He had to feel my anxiety.

I caressed his back, then inched down for his cock. He could never say no when my hot hands were on his cock.

When I grabbed his shaft, he was shocked. His eyes rolled up into his head, and he immediately responded, breathing rapidly.

"Oh Bella."

I began jerking him off, my hands beginning to chafe from the dry cold contact. As soon as he groaned and said my name, I ignored the discomfort. I was so wet, now, and my pussy throbbed for him.

"Bella, fuck!"

He grabbed both of my wrists and lifted them above my head. I looked down for a second and saw the head staring back at me, as white, frosty, and perfect as ever. I arched my back, my mouth suddenly dry. I was so nervous. This could be it, and there was nothing I could do to keep him with me.

"Edward, I love you so much."

"I love you, too. I don't think I will love anyone more."

We kissed. Then, he gazed into my eyes, his eyes full of stars, and fucked me.

Everything was silent. I did not hear our breathing. All I felt was the chill of his cock inside of me and his cool tongue slide up and down my neck. All I saw were the stars in his eyes, multiplying, growing.

Everything slowed down for us, like time was on my side and knew I had only moments left of him.

Edward mouthed my name. Then, the ache in my muscles intensified. My entire body was on fire, so close to release. I mouthed his name, squeezing his ass in my hands, pulling him in deeper. He was close to the crux of my soul.

"Yes! Edward! Yes!" I felt like my mind would explode because everything was so heightened. The pleasure and pain I felt from his cock was so overwhelming.

Warm tears streamed down my temple when I was on the brink. He kissed my temple, and I lost it. I thrust my hips into his so hard, the feather-top ripped beneath us, the sound further intensifying the moment. Feathers flew up and around us like snowflakes, coating our bodies.

Exploding around him, I screamed his name. I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to feel my orgasm in its totality. His thrusts quickened to an inhuman speed, and he came inside of me.

"Edward!" I opened my eyes, full for the first time in a long time. "Edward?"

I saw the stars above me, every single one of the millions in the sky, erupt. Star dust flowed into the room, glittery beneath the moon's light. It was so beautiful, but I had no one to share it with.

Because Edward was gone.

"Edward? Edward, no!" My heart sliced open and bled as the realization hit me. "No!"

Edward was dead.

* * *

The pillow and sheets beneath me are covered in sweat and tears as I awaken from my high. The bloody coke did a number on me. I have never had hallucinations that delved into my past so literally before... or try to figure out my psyche... or ruin my illusions within the illusion.

Edward is dead. I am numb. I am empty. I am nothing.

I found out from Emmett. Edward was speeding down the FDR in his Volvo when he swerved around one of its notorious potholes, and smacked his car into another speeding vehicle in the next lane. No one was spared. Everything burst into flames. There wasn't even a body left.

"Oh fuck." Last week's events rush back to me. I went back to using, snorting, shooting up, smoking, anything. I needed to take my mind off of yet another death. And there was only one person I knew who had easy access to copious amounts of the stuff. One person who would give it to me without hesitation or question: Demetri. So, I threw three years of being clean down the drain.

I sit up in Demetri's bed, ashamed at how well-acquainted I had become with it since last week. There was only one way to pay him back from all the drugs he had given me.

I peered down at my nude body, which was no longer covered in blood or bruised. I cannot remember how that happened to me, but I don't want to. I was sure, though, that if I stayed around to find out, I would regret it.

I just need to get out of his penthouse. Even though I am appalled at the vast quantities of bloody coke that he and Aro had made, I try not to let their possible plans seep in. I have no more time to contemplate their mission. Who knows when Demetri would be back and what he would do to me when he did.

And so, I look around the room once more, shut my eyes, and think of the rooftop of a building...

* * *

**A/N: **Poor Bella :(**  
**

Just in case you are confused, Bella's out of her second high. And if you guessed it, yep, Edward is dead. She had been sober and happy for the three years she had been with Edward but now that he's dead, she reverted back to her old coke-snorting ways. Now, she's in Demetri's penthouse about to teleport to another rooftop. The Bloody Coke really fucked her mind, so who knows what she will do next.

I hope my note cleared all that up. Enjoy the last.

And please leave a review. :)


	11. Infinite Fantasy

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns everything Twilight related. No copyright infringement is intended and there is no financial gain by myself in this story. The original characters, plot, and setting are the property of the author, NTJB. Please do not reproduce this story without the express permission of the author. **

**Reader discretion is advised: for adult situations, language, sexual content, drug reference.**

**Caution: NSFW. I repeat, NSFW. There's a reason why "Possibility" is the musical selection to this fan fic. Don't say I didn't warn you. :)**

**

* * *

**

These violent delights have violent ends,

And in their triumph die, like fire and powder,

Which, as they kiss, consume.

_Romeo and Juliet, Act II, Scene VI-_

William Shakespeare

* * *

**Chapter 10- Infinite Fantasy**

It is balmy on the roof. Ugh.

Then again, I am always so hot. The only people hotter than I am are the hot-blooded, the ones who are pure evil. Riley is one of those. Most people are in the middle, like Charlie or Aro, the deceivers. But the Cullens are always cold, and Edward was as cold as ice. My mom told me that these are the purest souls in the world: the Cold Ones. Their eyes are different too, a warm golden brown. She went on to say that, if I was lucky, I should not marry the deceitful souls like Charlie. I should marry the Coldest One and be happy.

But now the Coldest One is dead.

And I am nothing.

I stand on the roof of Demetri's penthouse, looking down at the people on the street, wishing for any of their lives but mine.

I wish for Edward. I shut my eyes and wish for Edward. I hope that this turn of magic is better than the last. I wished for a cool room earlier today and ended up bloodied and bruised, Demetri doing God knows what to me.

I fall to my bare knees on the rough brick and beg Edward to come to me, sobbing.

"Bella." I hear his voice in my head, and I fall back.

"Edward?" I stand up, running, searching the entire roof for him. It can happen? I can bring the dead back? "Edward, I need you! Please come back! Please!"

I come around full circle but cannot find him.

"Bella, you know you can't summon the dead. Please stop this. Life is too short. Don't waste it. And love is not once in a lifetime. You will find love again."

I shake my head no, glaring up into the sky.

"How dare you give me clichés! I have nothing left here. Ever since I was little, there was pain. I'm 25 years old, and I've endured the heartache of someone twice my age. I can't do this anymore, Edward."

I walk again to the edge of the building, taking off my diamond engagement ring, his t-shirt with the stars on it, my indigo blue shorts (his favorite on me) and my mom's gold necklace with the ruby pendant.

Each of these items means so much to me. He wore the grey t-shirt the day he told me he loved me. And my mom's pendant... She said if I died, I had to give it to my children to pass on our ancestor's magic and legacy. But I could not have any children. How could I even dream of them without Edward? My mom's line had to end here.

"Bella, don't do this, please. If you jump, there are no second chances. You will be taking away your life, the most precious gift. Please wait."

I look up at the sky again. The sun beams down on me, as if punishing me with its heat. It must be noon. I close my eyes, feeling the sweat travel down my naked body.

"Edward, when I jump, I will be with you, and my mother, and Jacob. I will be in a realm of… infinite fantasy. That is where I belong, with you."

Silence.

I look up at the sky once more. I am sure I am doing the right thing. Everyone I know who would miss me was already dead. I look over the edge of the building, as calm as the hot summer breeze blowing through my hair.

I jump.

* * *

**A/N: **This is the end. Thank you so much for reading this short little unhappily ever after... although she does end up with Edward in the end, right?

Please review.


End file.
